look no pants
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
