the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
