Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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