naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
