Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
