I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
