I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
