I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I deserve this hangover.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
