obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm passing your future prison.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
