i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
