home. puking in laundry basket.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
