Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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