All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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