I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
