I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
