So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
