There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
