So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
