New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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