put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
