It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
