I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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