The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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