Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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