a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
