Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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