Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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