before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
