i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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