You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
