I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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