you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
