Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
