i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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