I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
