All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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