Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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