I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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