A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
