i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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