I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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