WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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