Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
