So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
