Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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