If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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