I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
