Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
