No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
