Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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